Just read ken’s blog. Notice something that’s very serious going on. He hasn’t been quite alright since he started the blog. Think he’s unable to handle his personal problems. Girls, school, nursing, SJ, everything.
Well, I must say things hasn’t been going on well for me too. Everytime when it’s a festive occasion, I would always look into the past. The past when I spent it with Xian. The past, that has been haunting me for so long, so long. Its only been a year and a half since we broke up, but it seemed like such a long time, so long. I always told myself that I cannot always live in the past. But I can’t, I’m not strong enough. Now the house is so empty. Only the fan, the computer and me. I always hated this. I remembered once, when I went to Yew Tee. I went back to the place where xian and me was together at a void deck during one of the mooncake festival, where I brought sparklers and candles. Though we didn’t spend a long night there, we enjoyed ourselves. But rather, I enjoyed her company. I’ve never thought life would be so different without her. Maybe one day if I die, I wonder if she would be there to see me for the last time. I’ve regretted what I have done.
Xian, I really miss you.
The joy of life:
It’s not the baby bonus. It’s not the government’s policies. Rather, it’s the continuation of the human race, the beginning of a new life. Though it might have been a long and tiring process, to parents who spends a lifetime shaping the lives and moulding the future for a newborn, this is the joy of life.
I’ve spent another day in school.. what an E-learning week. What the hell. Everything has been so tiring. The system cork up, man. Like shit. Everybody has been trying to log onto the system at home, but some people cannot even log into the system, just like me. What the hell.. I mean, SP is such a big school and their so called E-learning is such a flop. Firstly, the bandwidth is so little. What is the point of having an E-learning week, anyway? Compete with NP?
Oh, please. NP has been so advanced in terms of their technology, do you know that every single one of them has a laptop that is configured for their usage both at home and in school, faggots! I’m damn fed up with the school’s system. How can they post on the ‘blackboard’ asking people to log on at night? I mean, if you expect a large amount of people logging on in the day, why don’t you increase your bandwidth? Why don’t you extend the deadlines for the E-learning week? Do you know how bad it is? You bastards just sit in the office, enjoy the air-con, drinking your coffee, while we students have to fight for that what little bit of speed that we have to win over each other, to submit our assignment or do some online quizzes thing.
What the hell! Even if we waited for very long, I still cannot even find staff information under the column with that name? when I clicked on the staff information button, it tells me the folder is empty! Wa lao.. shit, man..
anyway, I finally managed to finish all the assignments for the E-learning week by 1 o’clock today, after which I met up with sir derrick, choon kiat, Kenneth, ai suan and Mah today. Then we also met Shaifu, where we ate at the halal food court, ate Yong Tau Fu. Haha.. then we discussed about the groupings for the FAC 2006. had some disputes over the groupings though, not very happy with it. wonder if they will be able to take it. Hope they can understand that we meant them good.
Anyway, I’m here to tell you a story.
Once, there were two good friends, Mr. A and Mr. B They went through lots of things together and spent lots of good things together. Through many things, they have bonded very tightly together. But as time passes and as they both got their own commitment and went on to pursue further for their future, but they are still servicing in a same organisation, each holding different positions. As time goes by, and new staffs comes into the organisation, Mr. A fell for a girl. But knowing that he should not abuse his position, he refrained himself from confessing his love. As gossip started to spread around, the girl was troubled about what people say, and we can see that she is quite unhappy. All this while, B has had the opportunity to interact with the girl. Knowing that his good friend A has been interested in the girl, he kept on reminding himself to control his emotions and prevent himself from falling for this girl. In the end, like what you see in the TV, he still ended up falling for her. B really cherished the friendship with A, so he kept this secret in his heart. When A asked him, he would say that he has fallen for another girl, etc, etc. which is not the case, because B feel that it is useless to fall out with a buddy because of a girl.
Incidents like this are happening everyday in our lives. why...
Bad news, I just found that my typing skills are not that good as ever before, was it because I did too much pumping in a day already, my hands are shaking too.. nevertheless, I still got to finish about 2 assignments today. Which I am very glad about. I finish law and finance! Haha.. but did it like shit. Hope miss peter and mr. chin won’t scold me. Anyway, just came back. Then I received a bad news, my ah ma got stroke. Although it’s a minor one, I still feel quite worried.
Anyway, feel quite bad. Now then I realize how fragile life could be. Who will be the one beside me when I’m old? My wife? My kids? Or me alone? I don’t know. And I don’t want to think. I think I’ve lost the one who truly loves me and I truly loved. Things can’t get much worse without her. Seeing ken finally able to come to a conclusion after seeking help from so many people, I say, just go for it! Think of the consequences later. Love is selfish. Even though love is not everything, but at least it means something to everybody.
I miss Xian. About a few weeks ago, I lost my wallet when I was at the swimming complex. I almost went crazy. I almost overturned the whole complex just to find it. But I couldn’t. my friend couldn’t understand why I behaved like that. Of course he would never understand. It’s not the money inside that matters, neither is it the EZ-link card. But it’s a photo. A photo of me and xian. My only photo, only memory of whatever little that is left to remind me of us. I kept evey single piece of present she gave me. No longer using it again. Not because I don’t love her anymore. But because if I lose it, I will never get it back again. I admit I’m cheap. Why do I have to learn how to cherish her only when she’s gone? i still keep every single piece of letter or note, that she has written for me and put in my locker last time. I’ve never thrown away any piece. In fact I’ve kept all of them. I think she doesn’t know. Maybe she has long forgotten about me, maybe I’ve hurt her too deeply. Maybe… she has found her mr. right. And I should let go of her.
How I wish she could forgive me and give me another chance. Just once. Maybe we can never be together again. As I’m writing this, tears are welling up in my eyes, I don’t know why, but when I think of her, I feel sad. I really miss her and things will never be the same again, will it? I’m still hoping for her forgiveness.
Even after so long, I still could not forget her. I am weak. I’m tired. I feel restless.
I wished I could still…
Still be able to send her sms every night before I sleep. Telling her,
“Gd Nite, bao bei… I love u…”
Had a super long day today, man.. don’t know how long I can last like that. Woke up at 7 plus today, then I didn’t know what to do. So I decided to finish my GEMs E-learning assignment so as to spare the rest of my group mates, the agony of having to come back to school and meet up just to do one simple tutorial. To conclude, I did it and E-mailed to the rest. Anyway, if they got any problems, guess they will come back to me to rectify it. After all they did nothing and the least that they could do was to read through and give me any comments or spot any error(s).
then I went for the PRMP discussion with XY, MY, WS and Meena. Was quite slow in the beginning as everybody was tired from using their brains. So I made them go online and search for materials brainlessly, coz it’s just purely statistics or other articles written on blogs or something. Think I cannot work with Meena, because I just cannot stand the way she work. Think she prefers working alone. However, discussion for M&PP went on smoothly because Cheryl, MY and WS was quite productive today la, we even came up with the schedule already. See, obviously, without criticism from ‘some people’, we can work better.
Anyway, just came back from the “Christmas party” ok la, not too bad, but the sec ones were rather reserved, whole the sec twos just fooled around with each other. Then the sec threes kept to themselves only. Think Amelia still cannot accept the fact that Kenneth likes her ba.. Kenneth also dunno how to say him leh.. like one like one la.. why say like 2. then now headache already la. Wei Fen and Amelia both turned up at the event. Then I think Amelia cried ba.. It’s understandable, I guess, how else could she react? Afterall she just completed primary school ma. Hard to treat her like an adult. Don’t wish to lose a good cadet like that. Hope the gossips will blow over soon.. see how powerful gossip can be? First they spreaded that Ken likes her, then Ken come and tell me that they say I like Amelia also? What the shit is this? I think I’ve been treating Amelia more like a ‘mei mei’ than a female friend. Things hasn’t been going well for this little angel, but I hope she’ll be strong.
I’ve said it very clearly in my previous blogs, that I owe it to 2 women in this life. One is Shixian, cause she was always by my side when I was down during my sec sch days, Second, is Jolin, I always feel heartpain when I talk about her. She is quite a good girl, just mixed with bad company, then become like an ah lian, otherwise, I believed she could have done much better in both her studies and her life.
Talking about women, is such a hard thing. Some are good, some are bad, while you cannot touch some, because they are your buddies’s so-called ‘targets’, then some others you wish to court, but has been courted by other people. This is such a ‘gabra’ world. Everything’s screwed up. Whatever it is, things will be better the next day! =D
Stay happy always! =D
--yang
well, well.. it's about a month since i went for the SJ annual training camp.. the quality ofthe cadets were fantastically good. whilst the officers, well, guess i shouldn't say too much. think Kranji's standards dropped by a few notches since i graduated. i'm no trying to say that it dropped because of me, but rather, because of us, Ken, Mah and I. we had contributed much to the success of what Kranji SJAB is today. i dare say that without us, things would have been much worse.. much much worser.. with people like CHen Yie and Derrick ah.. hai.. chen yie leh. is always sleeping in the camp. i think she only came out to have her meals, and half the other time, she is away in her bunk doing her own stuffs, or rather, sleeping, i must say.. otherwise, she would come out and just screw the cadets upside down. i thought we've all agreed that if we want to come back and help out in the SJAB, we are supposed to have black hair?! what the fuck, makes me angry at the very mention of it. what the hell! dare to scold me for my green socks somemore. i wished that Derrick at least takes the effort to go 'blog-hunting' and can manage to find this blog. wa lao ey, waste my time talking about this. going to quit at the end of this year, which is barely half a month left. can't bear to leave my cadets, man. they say that they are going to set up a newsletter for the SJAB. think they won't make it. they don't even know what a newsletter requires. they want me to be the editor somemore lo.. hai.. dun wan la.. think about it fiz.. then make up my mind.. anyway going to leave soon, can just dump my stuffs and disappear. dun wanna waste my time.. i give back the amount of years i owe to SJ and i can go off liao.. haha.. been promoted to a cadet leader in the camp. happy but leaving soone.. sad at the same time..
--yang
