**Dwelling mood**
If everything is meant to end somehow, then why start them all in the first place.....?
*20 min break*
Yes, I was thinking about my past. my present. my future.
by now you should have guessed. YES, I am talking about my love life.
in this life, there's only 3 woman I feel very sorry towards.
Lady #1.
My maternal grandmother.
just one day before she died, my mum wanted me to go and see her. for some f**king reasons, I went 'sot' on that day. I just refused to see her. I guess it's because I qurrelled with my mum and I was throwing some stinking tantrums.
Damn. My mum received a call the next day when I was playing with my toys. She cried. We took a taxi, rushed down to my uncle's shop at Teban Gardens in Jurong. Too late. By the time we reached, my grandmother was already lying on the floor. motionless. for some reason, I started to worry. I had this sick feeling that she's going to leave me. forever. I called out to her. but she no longer responded to me with that smile that she always had for me. "Ah ma!" I cried out. "Ah ma!" still no response.
the funeral was over in a few days. we stop grieving after a few months. but the wound is still raw. at the very mention of it, I felt like crying. every year when I visit my ah ma during the Qing Ming festival, tears would well up in my eyes when I offer joss sticks to her and I would secretly wiped the tears away.
Some things when done, can no longer be reversed. "I was only 5 years old." It was a lie I kept telling myself.
Woman #2.
Right. She's Shixian.
After so long, it's still so hard to forget her.
*10 min break*
It's too much for me to bear. I find that even keeping a blog to write my feelings can no longer express my guilt and regret for my life. Like I said, if everything has to come to an end, why start them all in the first place?
It really hurts so much.
Yes, I said that I want to forget her. But it's all lies. LIAR LIAR.
yes, I've told so much lies. in my life, in my work, in school, in st. john. everything.
I'm just getting what I deserve. it's my retribution. it's so hard to be a grown - up. it's so hard to be matured. it's so hard to maintain that gentleman image.
everything's so hard.
I remember reading one of Ken's older blog entries saying that I have matured alot.
Do you think I want to be matured? I am forced to be matured.
I think my way of thinking does not match a 19 year old. Instead, I think my mindset is working more like a MAN more than a BOY.
I have no choice. I HAD TO GROW UP. after all that I went thru'.
love, work, school, CCA, sex (almost).
life is too short to be wasted. I want to earn alot of money. Alot alot of money. i want to break away from my social status right now. I want to break away from the image of being a poor kid.
which is why I worked very hard. both in work and in my part - time job. I want to earn as much money as possible during the holidays. I want to earn my own keep. so I can spend the money the way i want. I do not have to worry about anything. because I'm spending MY own money.
a pair of Levi's Engineered jeans, $149.50. paid.
without batting an eyelid.
Nike sneakers, $89. paid.
no sweat.
if one day I become rich, I will pamper my kid. but not spoil them. if they want something really badly, they would have to work and earn money.
because I know how hard it is to earn money. I also know how it feels to come from a not-so-well-to-do family. I want to be F**king rich.
right, side-tracked for quite far off already.
woman #3:
Jolin.
for her, I don't want to talk much. I'm just guilt-ridden.
but seeing her with her boyfriend being so happy together, I think her boyfriend is able to give her happiness, while I can't.
I would only want to give her my blessings. wish they'll stay together.
I wish them happiness.
---Yang.
ll the
I was very disturbed when I saw this scene at Bukit Batok MRT Station. I even went into and came out of the gentry again to take this picture.
I thought the main purpose of this donation box is to collect used EZ - link cards because the deposit inside could be refunded and donated to charity to help the charitable organisations?
Seems to me like it collected something else more than that. Rubbish like candy wrappers and also leaflets were taking up more space in the donation box than the EZ - link cards.
It really irritates me when I see such things happening. It did not look like anything resembling a rubbish bin. Amongst all the talk about becoming a considerate society and at the same time caring for the underprivileged, I really think singaporeans still has a long way to go.
ah, crap. tried to change the template of my blog.
I finally did it. but I changed it back to the original one. coz i think it's just not me. maybe i'll go design one, then I'll see how it goes from there.
very serious programming stuffs, man. but what I know is only the basic. scraping the surface only. haha.
no new photos to post lei. haha.
oh yes, restarted my comp le. master reboot everything. installed the anti virus software also. so happy. finally, after so many events and things happening, I finally got it all done up and ready liao. can surf the net safely already.
plus the fact that I am using the Mozilla Firefox instead of the IE explorer. so will be better ba, i guess.
ah~ just asked Ken for SX's blog. dunno why i asked for it. but anyway, just wanna noe how she's getting along only. nothing much. really. oh at least that's the way that I want to think about it for now..
ok. enough about her. tml Wei Jian coming to my house test his modem. think got some problem ba. it's expensive to maintain broadband, man. got to have all sorts of things. because the connedction speed is alot faster now, viruses, spywares and bugs also attacks u at a speed that's many times faster.
there's always 2 sides to a coin. someimtes, u win some, u lose some.
but always look on the bright side of life.
or look at the pic below. haha. Ayumi Hamasaki! FFfffoooooo!
Mmm. Ayumi's a nice singer. think she's a nice person oso ba.
but then again, "stars are blind", as sang by Paris Hilton.
haha. u never know.
an angel on screen might be a devil off screen.
never just a book by its cover. how true? very true.
ok. my train of thoughts going to de-rail soon. cos i'm drifting off and starting to write rubbish.
fine. I'm going to sleep.
but before that....
a few more pics......
whhooo! Derrick Sir just made a crazy comment. shall not say it here.
cos alot of ppl are reading this blog, i realised.
anyway. it's the first day of sch.
sent out good night msgs to 10 girls and only 2 replied.
haha
anyway, it's good. better than nothing, seriously. now i'm chatting online. with Ai Suan, Derrick Sir and Shu Fen la.
haha.
This Shu Fen ah... really funny girl. dunno how to say la.
we haven't seen each other for quite a while alr, we still got so much things to talk about. i think we can really crap lor. =D
now we're talking about the TAF club thingy la. haha.
why TAF club always do Frisbee and floor bal sometimes. =D
cos they can't run, then have to pick up the Frisbees. bend up and down.
confirm skinny one. =D
oh yes. now that Ai Suan has known about the fantasy that I have been harbouring on the "Man Studio" girl at Jurong Point.
shall make it public anyway.
yes. i think i'm in love with this Man Studio girl. lady la, i would say.
cos she's definitely older than me. but I like matured women. hee
she's quite fair, quite short, a bit fleshy.. big eyes... chubby cheeks... fits the criteria of the type of
小女人 that I am looking for. perfect.
but i didn't get her number la. too lazy.
even the cashier I also nv get her number
not because she's not pretty or she's a Malay.
but i think i still cannot forget someone.
Sir Derrick just told me we have to forget something sometimes.
but it's hard. easier said than done. after so long, she's still on my mind. Sir said this ATC i must come otherwise will regret. dunno what's he going to do la. hope it's nothing to do with Shixian or wat. i dunno how to face her oso.
hai~~
oh yes, Shu Fen recommended me on blog,
www.cookingismypassion.blogspot.com. quite good
got recipes and stuffs. and the author is the one in the picture. her name's Su Yin.
haiya. cannot post pic again.
will post it nest time.
once again, we've come to the end of my entry here.
time to say good bye..
--shen yang
---signing out.
Ken's Happiness
hehe... just read Ken's blog....
just realised he's been getting phone calls from somebody huh....
where got so 好死 one.... everyday call call call..... haha. must be someone he have good feelings for la, might not be love la, but definitely someone whom he feels for lor. haha..
good for him. happy for my buddy. finally has found someone who appreciates him.
ah~ all the best, Ken.
Last day in Friven
Yesterday might be the last day which i am working in Friven, which is the 21st of Sep 2006. Ah Long is resigning already, so no one else to remember in Friven liao la, really. everyone's gone.
no one to remember la, except for Lynn, my sales rep and my colleague at OUB, Shu Fen lor. haha. why i only miss the girls sia. haha.
Strange Call from Ai Suan
received a strange call from Ai Suan la. haha.. didn't know she was reading my blog all along la, dunno who else has been reading it, man. haha.
she said she lost count on the number of girls mentioned in my blog.
HEY Ai Suan. jealous is it. my 异性缘 good wat. wat to do.
blame my parents lor. i oso dun wan to be so handsome one. =D
haha.
i believe in just going out and meet more people la, u never know one day u might just meet the right one for you. haha.
so stop hiding in your turtle shells, guys!
go out and meet some girls!
haha. no photos to post, so.....
-here's your popular beloved Ong,
--signing out...
see these 2 idiots at Jurong Point buying pillows?
they practically went around the whole of the fair at Jurong Point to smell all the pillows from the different brands.
where got people buy pillow go and smell one?
do you know how many people have touched and even laid on the pillows with their sweaty and oily heads, then u put it to your nose and smell it?! ah. idiots.
hai~ no where to go on an off day from work. in 1 week's time i'll be back in school. and in 7 week's time, i'll be out for internship. haha
tough work. but well. no choice.
oh yes, Ah Long said i look like one of the Hong Kong actors lei! wa lao.
haha
happy sia. hee. wait a bit i see if i can find the picture....
ah.. found it. his name is lin wen long. 林文龙
haha. wa. he handsome sia. cannot fight. haha.
oh. i finally found Sarah's friendster liao. haha.
finally she has an account.
let u all see a picture of her. hahah...
enjoy!
damn should have posted these pics earlier. it couldn't be posted in the earlier posts.
haha
enjoy!
fuck
even post picture also cannot post
hey.
been lost from the blogging world.
too busy working, man. had a crazy schedule, even i myself dun believe it.
was sent to work at
OUB centre, the transferred me to
expo halfway thru' .
and was having lunch when i saw the floor flooded with water. wa lao. why like that. Expo lei, should be like the esplanade one ma. maintenance should be tip-top what. why is the rooftop leaking, floor flooded with water. hai~ what if people fall down? how? how?
after that send me to
Jurong Point without any breaks in between,
oh yes, just finished moving goods at Jurong Point then i walked into 7-eleven. i want to walk into the queue already, then a girl cut in front of me. i was thinking, what the f**k would it make a difference if i go first? i'm just buying a drink, damn it. then i looked down, discovered she was wearing short shorts la. so not my problem. she chose to come in front of me one. she sort of volunteered her self, so i took a pic of her butt lor. haha.
wa but after that quite shocked, her boy friend come from behind to talk to her. somemore is ah beng ah beng one. more beng than me. so no choice la. i hide my phone. i think he never see la. if not i jia lat. otherwise, the 'pai kia' in Jurong Point is the same at CCK.
all HUM Ji. haha
then now.
back to OUB centre again. the customers there ah, outragous. they open up the packaging ang dun even bother to pack it back and just leave it there. at least if u buy something, i won't be so 'du lan'. this pair of couple came into the store and unpacked every single pack, well, almost. then just leave everything lying in a mess and just walk off. bastard and bitch. so highly educated, holding jobs in Raffles Place somemore, but still behave like that. chee bye.
but anyway, back to OUB.
was slacking la. haha. got to know a girl from the work, her name is Shu Fen, quite a cute girl la, one year older than me though. but she's candid and easy-going and friendly. most importantly, she knows how to cook. her looks wise..... er...... off the lights, everything will be nice la, ha. haha
but i find her cute la. however, i think she won't be the cup of tea for any one of my friends la. haha.
haha. hard to find girls who knows how to cook nowadays. anyway, got her number alr. so can do things slowly. haha.
oh yes, meeting her tml. happy and sad though. happy because i can see her again, sad because school is starting and tml would be the last day that i'm working with her le.
ahai~~ but dun worry la, as long as i want, think can ask her out ba.
oh ya, got to know another girl at expo la. haha. she also quite cute, reminds me of Grace. the Grace back in the secondary school days, the one whom Ken and I missed. haha. right, Ken?
however, didn't get her number this time. too lazy la. i've already got so many things on my plate. wait till i'm done with it, then i'll finish her. haha. as if.
think if got chance, can meet her again one la. so dun fret.
anyway, got my results yesterday, was so upset.
though i've got a distinction for my elective core module, i've only got Bs and B+s for the other modules, so upset.
the first thing that came to my mind was, it has to be those f**king slackers in my team that dragged me down. damn it. it could have been much higher if not for them. I guess.
then again, even though i always say i've put it my best, i am human afterall.
and no one knows better then us, poly students, that fatigue does kick in after a while. a few weeks down the road, u're still doing the same damn thing, just in different stages.
the system, too rigid.
certain things are not explained fully, therefore, we end up doing what is more than needed, or when we "feel" that we have done too much, we might then miss out on a few things, losing precious marks for the CA. damn.
how did things turn out like this?
i have to admit that there were times, where i took on a laid back attitude in doing the projects. but my conscience is clear and i am proud to say that, i am going to survive, and survive well.
*PS. included in this entry, is also some little bits of life that some of us miss out sometimes as we are all 'so busy' with our work.
1. a little boy playing
2. a full moon shining brightly
3. a low-flying passenger jet.
4. a cut i suffered when i was working at Jurong Point
5. a pic of the space beneath my bed. was bored then.
on the 4th of September 2006, Steve Irwin, the crocodile hunter, famous for his death defying encounters with th wildlife, died of an accident, when he was filming a new documentary, the deadliest of the ocean. news havesaid that he had been struck by a stingray, which the barb, a tail spine at the end of a stingray's tail, had pierced through his heart. the footage of his final moments were not released yet, and it might never be released. it was said by his close friend who watched it and described the whole scenario. the barb had pierced through his chest and he pulled it out. but after that, he just went stiff. a desperate 30-minute rush to the nearest help for medical attention was made but to no avail. Steve Irwin died on the 4th of September 2006.
I posted something which was a sort of rememberance thing for him online through a MSN website. how i wished he hears it. bu everything's too late now. RIP, Steve.
Steve Irwin, a legend, a hero, a wonderful husband, a fantastic father, a colourful son of Australia.
Whacky and humourous, death - cheating, are the usual words which are linked with him.
Forever will he be remembered this way. Steve Irwin.
'Crocs Rule' as he would always say.
I hope that his family would be strong. live on, continue to fulfil Irwin's wishes.
live on strongly.
Steve, We'll miss you.
