loner's heaven

Whoa! Today’s probably the happiest day in my life! I finally managed to see an Ayumi-look-alike eye-to-eye! Haha.. so happy.. my god! I almost fainted.. She’s so pretty.. I think she’s a year three ICT student.. I’ve noticed her since the last sem already.. sometimes when I board the train, I’ll see her.. then, I’ll always look around when I get off at Jurong MRT Station, but I dun get to see her.. I think she lives somewhere in Boon Lay or something.. ok.. I know I sound like some pervert or something.. mmmm.. but I think all guys at some point in time will do this.. dun u think so? Taking special notice of the girl that u are interested in.. u know.. it’s like.. er.. dunno how long I can see her.. maybe one day I’ll be able to see her online on friendster or something.. then I’ll add her.. if not, then this is probably the last sem that I will see her.. because she is in year three.. attachment will start in sem two.. and half of sem one is almost over by now.. really hope to at least know her name.. ah! I’m going crazy just thinking about her.. oh my god! Well, there’s another girl I like.. I know her name.. think she’s in year three too.. (dunno why all the girls I like are in year three.. haha!!) this morning I was in the DMS and she looked down from the second storey.. guess I couldn’t stand the “eye contact” thing with girls I like.. haha.. but .. kinda enjoy this feeling though.. haha.. hope nobody finds this blog.. otherwise, die die.. sure gana sabo until very jia lat.. anyway.. just enjoy life ba.. =D

posted by yang @ 7:02 AM 0 Comments

time has passed, and now it's the week for the Consumer behaviour CA.. hai.. havent been able to find time for all of our group members to meet up for our project.. die lei.. but anyway.. got to work hard la.. but the who ah.. always come up with negative suggestions for the group.. can't be bothered la.. just checked the horoscope.. it says today i'm the one taking charge and getting things done.. or at least.. get things started.. ya.. quite true.. today juz consulted miss Kwa on the quesions for our MMR.. very headache.. we are on the right track.. but major changes had to be done to our qn-naire.. haiya.. but anyway.. was studying in the library today.. but the librarian and some student helpers were packing the catons.. so noiosy! felt like telling them to shut the f**k up.. but anyway.. i controlled myself.. so didn't really exploded.. haha.. kinda lost today.. can't find my bearings.. even had problems deciding what to eat today.. no appetite.. stood at the road junction today wondered where i should go next.. i guess it's juz another day in my life, where i just felt lost.. lost, u noe.. guess that's what all of us have to go thru' in some point of our lives.. head is splitting.. dunno why.. got back my DTP portfolio from Doris thru' Howie today.. haven't took a look at it yet.. but i think the comments aren't going to be very nicely written.. however, i still hope at least i've got some positive things to show to my boss next time.. today's feature writing class wasn't too bad.. had lots of ideas from Ryan today.. i must say he really improved in the way that he communicate with us, but i think as far as his teaching skills are concerned, it's time that he go for OC (oral comm), man.. since when did you see a lecturer stand behind a chair with his hands on the back rest and rock back and forth?!?! anyway.. he's a nice guy.. just like James.. very willing to share information with us.. this thursday got to finish up my movie, man.. time is gushing away in the opposite direction.. (alright, i noe this phrase sounds weird).. finished my on-camera teleprompter presentation already.. was a little nervous at first.. but eventually got used to it.. haha.. think i kinda enjoyed the whole thing.. hee... ok la.. this is probably the longest blog i've written YET! =D (this means that there's more that are longer that's coming up!) anyway..

this is shen yang..
till the next time we meet..
take care.. and
ta ta! =D

posted by yang @ 7:30 PM 0 Comments

Haha.. haven't wrote in my blog for a while.. dunno what to write for today, juz finished my Legal System and Contracts (LSC) CA 1.. it was a killer paper.. haha.. jia lat.. and what are the sources for Singapore laws? i wrote legislation and common law..

jus as i was thinking that princess might have written about "BRITAIN" as the source.. it turned out to be true! haha.. wa lao.. why like that.. but then again.. how come she was on my mind when i was doing the paper? i dunno.. Xue Yun asked me about it, i was stunned.. haha.. i dunno what to say.. maybe i like her or something? but what i gana rejected? then again.. did i really like her? come on, man.. guys stick to her like bees attracted to honey.. she's like the 'popular' girl here la.. and me? forget it! =D then again.. was it the "flirtatious" hormones in me that are telling me , "hey, pal.. it's time to get a girlfriend" seeing Ellse so happy when she heard about kevin booking out this Friday, really makes me wonder if i would have the same effect on any girl when i am about to book out from camp when i am in the army.. maybe princess would be happy, i don't know..

haha.. things wouldn't have very much turn out to be the same if i had more confidence in myself..

i went to buy a long-sleeve shirt yesterday, but as Mr. James said we had better not wear anything blue, i had to double confirm it. being a colurblind really is inconvenient. even when it comes to simple things like buying a shirt, it takes hell lot of trouble.. so i went up to a store assistant, and told him frankly, "excuse me, i can't see the colour of this shirt, could you please help me?" he looked at me and said, "grey.." then he held up the shirt against the light, and confirmed it again, " yeah, grey.." though he did not gave me that " you can’t see colours?” look.. his help was delivered in a sympathetic manner.. as if.. as if.. you would treat an under-privileged person.. then.. I can’t help but kept thinking,

“why?!

why am i a colourblind..”

posted by yang @ 4:25 AM 0 Comments

Today’s the first day that I’m blogging. Just saw an advertisement for the NKF’s cancer foundation charity show again. I can’t help but to think, are these organizations really “non-profitable”, as they had claimed to be? (song on my media player now is : Tong Hua) “Tong Hua” simply means fairy tales in mandarin. Is there really no more fairy tales in my life? I’ve been waiting for the perfect one to appear in my life... but she does not seem to be there… the girl that I’ve once loved so deeply, is now gone… my best friends are getting detached from me. I’m starting to think about my future. Am I going to spend the rest of my life alone? People are getting themselves attached to one another nowadays. Why am I still alone? Today’s feature writing lesson was very interesting, and it is probably the first time that I’m enjoying feature writing. Haha, I wrote a story without relating it to myself. I wanted to, but it took me a while before I decided that I should leave out the part which tells how the story relates to myself. My friend was an Ah Beng before, then he got stabbed. Now he’s no longer breathing and living on this planet. He wasn’t exactly a bad guy, he just simply could not study. That’s why he became a school dropout. Then he got to know this girl, whom he really loved. He just wanted to spend sometime with his girlfriend before he goes into NS. He even decided to severe all ties with the secret society that he had joined. It was just one week before he shaves bald and wears a green uniform. It was just another day when he went out with his girlfriend. They were having their lunch at a coffee shop, when a guy from the rival gang stabbed him five times in the back. As he lied in a pool of blood, his last words to his girl was “I’m sorry… I cannot…” he died. He died on the spot, without even being able to complete his last sentence. Here’s another story. Another Ah Beng – to – be, was on the verge of giving up his studies and dropout of school. Hectic school work was driving him crazy. Then as time passed, he met this girl whom he really liked. She gave him encouragement and told him not to give up easily in everything he does. Not wanting to end up like his friend, he did not join any “gangs” even under the heavy influence of all his friends. He eventually stopped hanging out with his bad company and spent more time with his girl.
But he felt he wasn’t good enough for his girl. He does not have enough confidence in himself. Since young, he has been inferior about himself. Being unable to see colors would be nothing to any one of us. But to this boy, he was very sad. Imagine that you have to ask someone what the color of the clothes that you want to buy, the color of the color pencil, the color of grass, the color of the traffic light, the color of everything. Nobody knew how he felt. He felt insecure. He felt that he could not even know whether he could have a future, he did not even dare to think about providing his girl with a promising future. So they broke up in the end. The guy loved her. But he initiated the break-up. Soon, he realized that life without this girl is empty. He is leading his life, aimlessly. Even till now. That guy… is me. I’ve wanted to say to her, but I did not have the guts to do so… is, “Xian, I’m sorry”…

posted by yang @ 7:28 AM 0 Comments