Today’s the first day that I’m blogging. Just saw an advertisement for the NKF’s cancer foundation charity show again. I can’t help but to think, are these organizations really “non-profitable”, as they had claimed to be? (song on my media player now is : Tong Hua) “Tong Hua” simply means fairy tales in mandarin. Is there really no more fairy tales in my life? I’ve been waiting for the perfect one to appear in my life... but she does not seem to be there… the girl that I’ve once loved so deeply, is now gone… my best friends are getting detached from me. I’m starting to think about my future. Am I going to spend the rest of my life alone? People are getting themselves attached to one another nowadays. Why am I still alone? Today’s feature writing lesson was very interesting, and it is probably the first time that I’m enjoying feature writing. Haha, I wrote a story without relating it to myself. I wanted to, but it took me a while before I decided that I should leave out the part which tells how the story relates to myself. My friend was an Ah Beng before, then he got stabbed. Now he’s no longer breathing and living on this planet. He wasn’t exactly a bad guy, he just simply could not study. That’s why he became a school dropout. Then he got to know this girl, whom he really loved. He just wanted to spend sometime with his girlfriend before he goes into NS. He even decided to severe all ties with the secret society that he had joined. It was just one week before he shaves bald and wears a green uniform. It was just another day when he went out with his girlfriend. They were having their lunch at a coffee shop, when a guy from the rival gang stabbed him five times in the back. As he lied in a pool of blood, his last words to his girl was “I’m sorry… I cannot…” he died. He died on the spot, without even being able to complete his last sentence. Here’s another story. Another Ah Beng – to – be, was on the verge of giving up his studies and dropout of school. Hectic school work was driving him crazy. Then as time passed, he met this girl whom he really liked. She gave him encouragement and told him not to give up easily in everything he does. Not wanting to end up like his friend, he did not join any “gangs” even under the heavy influence of all his friends. He eventually stopped hanging out with his bad company and spent more time with his girl.
But he felt he wasn’t good enough for his girl. He does not have enough confidence in himself. Since young, he has been inferior about himself. Being unable to see colors would be nothing to any one of us. But to this boy, he was very sad. Imagine that you have to ask someone what the color of the clothes that you want to buy, the color of the color pencil, the color of grass, the color of the traffic light, the color of everything. Nobody knew how he felt. He felt insecure. He felt that he could not even know whether he could have a future, he did not even dare to think about providing his girl with a promising future. So they broke up in the end. The guy loved her. But he initiated the break-up. Soon, he realized that life without this girl is empty. He is leading his life, aimlessly. Even till now. That guy… is me. I’ve wanted to say to her, but I did not have the guts to do so… is, “Xian, I’m sorry”…
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